Impossible Love

she walked down in the alley , with a friend of hers

sparkling eyes ,dazzling smile that made me hers

i still remember the night we danced all night

and i said to my self that ill fix her......

relieve her of all the misery shes going through

and kill the pain that made her face go blue....

ill hold her , ill cuddle her and never let her go

love her , adore her and make her let go....

we smiled , we laughed , we shouted out loud

we frowned , we stared and we cried out loud...

we held hands , we held hearts and we held each other..

never to let go , always to be, we said to each other

my bed on which she laid is still unmade
can still smell the cigarette smoke she puffed on my face
cant still believe of what went off and what she said
can still feel her with me ,within me instead

i said i love you baby and that's what matters

she said she loved me more then i ever did....

she works till the night fall , and sleep till the sun rise

she runs , she hides and she stays away from all that matters

here i am crying out loud,tears of misery rolling down

all i ever had ,all i ever was , all i wanted to be has just disappeared

my dreams died , my love died shouting it out loud,

the wine is over and the blue orchids have dried

i know i love her and she loves me more...

but this love will kill us for sure

love each other but hate each other

distanced we crave for each other..

we are not possible she says...

though i love u with all my heart she says

she loves me and i do that too .

but this ain't just love..

this is what they call impossible love....

I Seek

I seek darkness , after light blinded me

I seek pain , after joy made me crawl

I seek ugliness , after beauty vanished from within

I seek starvation , after my grub poisoned me

I seek storm , after the lull made me fall

I seek war , after peace killed the old me

I seek strangulation , after the air that suffocated me

I seek poverty , after the rich me let go all i had

I seek deception , after trust stabbed me in my back

I seek enemy , after my friends lusted my girl

I seek hatred , after my love turned ugly

I seek no future , after my past refused to stay put

I seek no new me , after the old me died yesterday

I seek death ,after my life walked off

Alone

AWAKE
Shake dreams from your hair
My pretty child, my sweet one.
Choose the day and choose the sign of your day
The day's divinity

Morrison said it out loud and i woke up....not ready to leave her in my dream...too lazy to choose the sign of the day.
eyes closed ,bare foot i did what i have been doing for the past 8 months...following it like a ritual..day after day...walked out on the terrace in to the wide open...
took a deep breath....opened my eyes....
hell...could feel the change and the immediate pain...
the realization of my immediate past and a reflection of my immediate future...
the sunlight couldn't do away the darkness that encircled my soul....
the truth was wavering like a ghost ....i was alone ...yet again....once again....and it was fall ....once again ...yet again......
wanted to shout it out loud ....question......the 80:20 ratio in my life....couldnt....wanted to cry it out ....couldnt.....feel strong move on couldn't.......
my feet as if blistered took me back....in to the dark ...felt comforted to get out of that contrast...
started my day.....thinking how & why ......emphasis was on how and not why.....
how was to seek an answer for future and not to ask a question for the past.....

3 months of festivities , jackos , coffees , smokes, goa,dinners and loneliness......how.....
how ....will i......

unforgiven

state of mind....

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining throughNo, there's no sun shining

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt
I swearShe loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there!

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, what I've knownSick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
What I've felt, what I've knownSo sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there?, 'cause I'm the one who waits,
The one who waits for you

Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
(So I dub thee unforgiven)Oh, what I've feltOh, what I've known!
I take this key (never free)And I bury it (never me) in you
Because you're unforgiven too
Never freeNever me'
Cause you're unforgiven too!