Alone

AWAKE
Shake dreams from your hair
My pretty child, my sweet one.
Choose the day and choose the sign of your day
The day's divinity

Morrison said it out loud and i woke up....not ready to leave her in my dream...too lazy to choose the sign of the day.
eyes closed ,bare foot i did what i have been doing for the past 8 months...following it like a ritual..day after day...walked out on the terrace in to the wide open...
took a deep breath....opened my eyes....
hell...could feel the change and the immediate pain...
the realization of my immediate past and a reflection of my immediate future...
the sunlight couldn't do away the darkness that encircled my soul....
the truth was wavering like a ghost ....i was alone ...yet again....once again....and it was fall ....once again ...yet again......
wanted to shout it out loud ....question......the 80:20 ratio in my life....couldnt....wanted to cry it out ....couldnt.....feel strong move on couldn't.......
my feet as if blistered took me back....in to the dark ...felt comforted to get out of that contrast...
started my day.....thinking how & why ......emphasis was on how and not why.....
how was to seek an answer for future and not to ask a question for the past.....

3 months of festivities , jackos , coffees , smokes, goa,dinners and loneliness......how.....
how ....will i......